BY HAILEY CHAPMAN
Endings are never easy.
Unexpected endings are even worse.
As a senior pitcher on the Fort Hays State University softball team, I found out firsthand what that was like.
Between games of a doubleheader on March 12 at Rogers State, the team and I were told the season was going to be coming to an abrupt end due to the growing coronavirus pandemic.
The experiences I shared in Claremore will stay with me for the rest of my life.
As our coach brought us into a huddle, her voice cracked. Her voice never cracks. She is tough, and when she hesitates or stutters, we know something is not right. After prefacing it with “there is no easy way to say this,” we all knew what was coming.
The season was over after one more game. Being there with Lily Sale was one of the most emotional things I personally have ever experienced. Lily and I have been teammates for four years. We have been a duo in the infield our entire college career. As soon as our coach told us, it was a ripple effect of tears throughout all of the seniors.
Seeing Lily cry was one of the most emotional things the team as a whole has probably ever endured. She has been forced to step up year after year and is tough as nails — because that is what the sport taught her. And receiving that information was like our coach telling us our dreams were over — right before we played.
One of the most genuine and real aspects of my college career came in the middle of the doubleheader after both teams had heard the news. Players from Rogers State approached our dugout and asked if we would like to pray with them. Immediately, all players were circled around the mound, arm-in-arm, sobbing and praying.
The perspective that gave all of us was huge. We had seven seniors, and they had three. But a group of 30 girls, their coaches and their fans were all supporting us in one of the toughest parts of our career. In that moment, we believed we had one more shot.
In both games, we fell short by one run, but we were proud and we were happy to have that last moment with this team forever. We fought hard, we made amazing plays that I never knew we were capable of. If that was my last game, I could leave the field proud of what we had done.
Lily Sale, a senior infielder shared her thoughts on the season:
“My last softball game I knew was coming, but not like that, and not then. I knew I had to walk away from the game at some point, just didn’t realize it was going to walk away from me. I wouldn’t say I have regrets, but I guess a better way to put it is I wasn’t done. I wasn’t ready to be done playing the sport, wasn’t done competing, wasn’t done creating culture for the program, wasn’t done achieving what I wanted personally and as a team.”
A junior, Megan Jamison, has been the epitome of team player during her time at Fort Hays. After the game, it was difficult to watch her do her best in supporting us with a shaky voice and teary eyes.
“It felt like my whole life got flipped upside down,” Jamison said. “I still think about what we would be doing if there wasn’t all this chaos. I mainly felt for my seniors worrying whether or not they would get another shot at the game we all love. It was hard, and it still is.”
Senior pitcher Mikey Nelson started the season making history, with everyone described her as “icy” because she was truly cold as ice on the mound. She threw the program’s first extra-inning no-hitter, as well as held a perfect game for 5.1 innings:
“This whole lockdown has led me to realize that no one should think, ‘This won’t happen to me, ‘ ” she said. “My mom had texted me that morning before the Rogers State doubleheader and said, ‘Play and pitch like today is your last day. This coronavirus may have your games canceled for the rest of the season. So play hard and pitch from your heart.’ I read it to my roommates that morning and just laughed because I thought no way that’s going to happen. I had pitched my last game of my softball career and had no idea. The biggest lesson I have learned is to not take anything for granted and don’t think it can’t happen to you. One of my favorite Bible verses reads, ‘Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.’ (Joshua 1:9). This verse helped me through the adversity I had faced, for I know my God is with me at all times and blessed me with another year of playing softball, and for that, I am forever grateful.”
Junior transfer Lexi Kagan has grown into the Fort Hays State softball program effortlessly from the beginning of the year. For Lexi, not only has softball taken a toll, but school, social life, financial issues and even housing have all proven difficult.
“Finding out our season was over in the middle of a doubleheader was one of the most surreal moments of my life,” she said. “After being told and seeing the looks that all the seniors had, it gave me tunnel vision on how this was going to affect them. I couldn’t even think about what it meant for me, I could only think about giving them all the love and support that I could. After the game ended, I was able to process the life-altering news a little more, and it immediately made my thoughts spiral. Was it really over? Was school shutting down? Do I have to move out? I had so many questions. I still don’t think I’ve entirely processed what happened. The last few days I spent in Hays were complete chaos, and there wasn’t much time for processing.”
Returning home to Olathe, Bailey Boxberger and Loren Beggs both were given tough decisions in light of our season-ending and lives being altered. Bailey was a senior, and is the only one who has decided not to take her fifth year.
This was emotional for me, because I started my whole journey with her. We were roommates freshman year, and it was amazing to watch her grow. But my heart breaks that she did not get the moment she deserved this year.
Loren is a freshman who has found herself in the utility spot, being consistent in the lineup, stellar at third base and tough as nails in the outfield. I am so excited to spend another year with Loren, but I’ll miss Bailey’s ability to keep us all centered while simultaneously making us smile at the sound of “She’s Country.”
“This whole situation that has resulted from the COVID-19 pandemic has absolutely put into perspective how something so special can be taken away too soon,” Beggs said. “All of us were so heartbroken when we found out our season was over before it really got started, and when we got the opportunity to play one last game, we all wanted it. The moment we all prayed together with our opponent, Rogers State, we weren’t opponents at that point; we were all girls who loved the game of softball so much that we came together to play one last game and we made the best of it. We all struggled with the loss of our season, and it hit us hard. We are a family and, yes, we were sad we lost our season. But we were also heartbroken we had to say goodbye to each other for so much longer and with no warning at all. This team is special, and next year, with all of us back together again including our seniors, we will be something that no one has ever seen. In the words of our Gracie girl (Grace Philop,junior outfielder), next season will be “effervescent.” We will come back stronger than ever together, and we will make our second chance count like never before. So be ready for Fort Hays State softball.”
It was an ending we never saw coming. For some of us, it is a do-over, a chance to change things we wish could have gone differently this year.
For others, it is the end. The end of something that our lives revolved around for our entire lives.
Regardless of how it ended, speaking on behalf of the team, we are so grateful to have experienced this journey with this team.
Hailey Chapman was a senior pitcher on this year’s FHSU softball team.