{"id":84265,"date":"2025-01-17T08:51:08","date_gmt":"2025-01-17T14:51:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/?p=84265"},"modified":"2025-01-17T08:51:10","modified_gmt":"2025-01-17T14:51:10","slug":"ranking-the-have-you-seen-movies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/?p=84265","title":{"rendered":"Ranking the “Have You Seen” movies"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By JOHN BILLINGER<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tiger Media Network<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This will be my final written review for Tiger Media Network in the \u201cHave You Seen\u201d<\/a> series. Although I wouldn\u2019t rule out a future revival, in its current form, this is it. So in light of the end of the road, I thought it would be fun (or pretentious) to rank every single movie I\u2019ve reviewed from worst to best, featuring a quote from each review. All 43 movies. This is my way of strolling down memory lane. It\u2019s important to note that many of the films I\u2019ve reviewed are either not very good or pretty obscure. So, we\u2019re going to divide these into three different sections. So here we go\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Awful<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

43. The Garbage Pail Kids (1987)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m sure the filmmakers thought that they were making something as cute as \u201cSnow White and the Seven Dwarfs,\u201d but in the end, I\u2019d say that they made something that was only slightly less morally disgusting than \u201cCoal Black and De Sebben Dwarfs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

42. The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My friend who watched it with me said, \u201cThis movie is like that feeling when you\u2019re sick. Like, I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on, my head hurts, and I don\u2019t want to feel like this anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

41. Titanic (1996)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I heard once that for every one-star movie Tim Curry is in, he\u2019s the reason it got that one star. This film didn\u2019t get that marker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

40. Jaws: The Revenge (1987)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even the stock photo of Martin Brody that they used doesn\u2019t look like it wants to be in this movie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

39. Foodfight (2012)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I just stared at my TV for an hour and a half, and contemplated my life choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

38. Kirk Cameron\u2019s Saving Christmas (2014)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is a complete hijacking! This is a hijacking. High-handed, hijacking! Handedness-jacking! It\u2019s like a car-jacking of our religion.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

37. The Last Airbender (2010)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

One could debatably pick apart and criticize every single frame in the movie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

36. North (1994)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m surprised, after being in such a flop, that Elijah Wood\u2019s career didn\u2019t end up going SOUTH <\/strong>(sorry, I had to say it). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

35. Catwoman (2004)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Halle Berry stated in interviews that prior to making this film, she was more of a dog person than a cat person. After making this film, she adopted one of the cats seen in the film. At least something good came out of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

34. Atlantic (1929)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The film has not aged well in both its craft and its content.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

33. Saturday the 14th (1981)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to watch \u201cSaturday the 14th\u201d, do yourself a favor and watch \u201cFriday the 13th Part 3\u201d instead. Why not? It\u2019s actually set on Saturday the 14th. Really, it\u2019s set the day after Part 2.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

32. Planet of the Dinosaurs (1977)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part of me wonders if they had cast this film by walking up to strangers and asking them if they would want to be in a movie because most of them can\u2019t act worthy enough of a background cameo appearance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mid-Tier<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

31. Raise The Titanic (1980)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re basically watching C-SPAN with a little bit of fractured history.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

30. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Among the celebrities who derided the film was classic Hollywood actor Mickey Rooney, who said the filmmakers should be \u201crun out of town.\u201d Years later, he presumably reversed his stance when he appeared in one of the sequels, probably because he had a look at his bank account.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

29. The Swarm (1978)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is the kind of film that you watch, and it\u2019ll make you ponder, \u201cPeople actually didn\u2019t die while making this, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

28. Free Birds (2013)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite being a comedy, the film is unfunny. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

27. Jack Frost (1998)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can\u2019t decide if the premise is heartwarming or lame. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

26. Tom and Jerry: The Movie (1993)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This movie is also a musical, so not only do they [Tom and Jerry] talk, but they also sing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

25. Dinosaurus (1960)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steve McQueen (who had starred in \u201cThe Blob\u201d in 1958) was supposed to be in the film, but he ultimately chose \u201cThe Great Escape\u201d and \u201cThe Magnificent Seven\u201d over this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

24. Britannic (2000)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do you capitalize on a film about a romance set on a doomed ocean liner? Easy, you make a film about a romance set on the Titanic\u2019s doomed sister ship, the Britannic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

23. Lusitania: Murder on the Atlantic (2007)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can literally watch it on YouTube for free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

22. Amazon Women on the Moon (1987)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A young Bryan Cranston appears in one of the deleted scenes. Despite the fact that he does not appear in the final product when asked if he could remove a film from his filmography, he picked this film as his candidate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

21. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It belongs in a museum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

20. Gangster Squad (2013)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If anything, you can at least put it on in the background. But definitely don\u2019t pay money to see it. Rent it or watch it on Netflix. You\u2019ll get more value from it that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

19. Popeye (1980)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It feels more like they took a bunch of the classic shorts and animated new scenes to connect it all as a movie (similar to the 80s Looney Tunes compilation movies), except it\u2019s in live-action. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

18. Vampire\u2019s Kiss (1988)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The birth of a meme is truly a beautiful thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

17. 1941 (1979)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seriously, there are so many people in this one film, it\u2019d be easier to name who isn\u2019t in this movie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

16. Titanic (1953)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ironically, the Titanic disaster is the second worst thing involving him [Robert Wagner] and a boat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Good (in a weird sort of way)<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

15. Teenagers From Outer Space (1959)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the first five minutes, the alien characters talk, talk and talk, like they\u2019re in some kind of Arthur Miller play. The whole time watching, I kept thinking, \u201cWhen\u2019s the lobster going to grow to full size and start killing people?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

14. King Kong Escapes (1967)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This isn\u2019t the kind of film where you need to think. Just sit back and have a good time, unless you\u2019re like my sister who worships Jane Austen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

13. Son of Kong (1933)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In March of 1933, Kong co-director Merian C. Cooper pitched to R.K.O. Pictures (the studio that made the original) a sequel to his smash hit [King Kong]. R.K.O. said, \u201cSure, you can do that, but under two conditions. One, you need to have it out by the end of the year. Two, we\u2019re going to give you like, half the budget of the original.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

12. Howard the Duck (1986)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Never in my life did I ever think I would ever have to watch this movie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

11. The Babe Ruth Story (1948)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The film\u2019s version of Babe Ruth performs miracles comparable to Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

10. A Biltmore Christmas (2023)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went from \u201cI hate this\u201d one minute to \u201cI love this\u201d the next minute and continued to go back and forth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9. The Return of the Vampire (1943)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How about this lineup for a horror film: Werewolves, Vampires, and Nazi Bombs, oh my! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. The Giant Claw (1957)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The bird certainly has a unique design.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Frankenstein Meets The Wolfman (1943)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To make a long story short, the Wolf-Man and Frankenstein\u2019s Monster eventually fight, and you get your money\u2019s worth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. Batman: The Movie (1966)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This movie is a comic book movie first, and proud of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually Really Good Movies<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

5. The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a chill, fun movie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. That Darn Cat (1965)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat Darn Cat\u201d is a darn good show.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. The Invisible Man (1933)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

During the course of the 70-minute film, he [The Invisible Man] killed at least 104 people. Yikes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. An American Werewolf in London (1981)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are parts that are genuinely very funny, and then there are parts that are genuinely very horrifying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. The King of Comedy (1983)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you ever watch this movie, you\u2019ll definitely have the name of the character memorized by the end. They say it a hundred times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wow. I did not review a lot of movies that made it into the \u201cActually Really Good Movies\u201d category. Anyway, this is where I end things. Over the last two years, I\u2019ve enjoyed writing these reviews. While I had severe writer\u2019s block for some of these, there was not a single one where I didn\u2019t feel proud to see it published. Sure, now looking back on them, I think about all the changes that I would make, but there\u2019s nothing that I can do now. And while my written output decreased as I continued school work, I made up for it by making videos for Tiger Media Network, which all got a decent bit of success. If you are a fan of those videos, I suggest you check out my YouTube channel, \u201cKiller Gorilla Productions.\u201d In any case, That\u2019s All Folks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By JOHN BILLINGER Tiger Media Network This will be my final written review for Tiger Media Network in the \u201cHave You Seen\u201d series. Although I… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":142,"featured_media":84266,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":false,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[56,3391,3505,55],"tags":[14808,14981,12484,21],"class_list":["post-84265","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-arts-entertainment","category-movie-reviews","category-local-movies","category-opinion","tag-have-you-seen","tag-john-billinger","tag-movie-reviews","tag-movies-2"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/tigermedianet.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/Have-You-Seen-Final.jpg?fit=512%2C336&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84265","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/142"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=84265"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84265\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":84268,"href":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84265\/revisions\/84268"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/84266"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=84265"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=84265"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tigermedianet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=84265"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}